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well well well
here i am again lol
food is going bad, i was getting used to not eating, but now i have the urge to eat all the time &+ i jus cant stop
:@ this is sooo bloody frustrating
i try to smoke a lot to loose apetite
it kinda works, it helps me at dinnertime, atm i jus have a piece of fruit in the morning, & something light for lunch, & then i smoke & smoke [ spending a lot of money on fags atm haharrr ] to keep me going
normally makes me throw up, i smoke loads atm
but its good if i throw up cuz then i'll jus get rid of lunch :D
overall its not tht bad, but i should not be eating ANYTHINg at allll !!!!!! grrrrr
i hope that if your reading this and do fasting, tht you dont come down because really i feel horrible
i jus cant control myself ='(
someone give me some advice maybe ?


2-06-08>>> Binge day :@

2 day has been one of the worst days so far
at first it started out really well, i hadnt had anything to eat all day, then came lunchtime,&+ i had PIZZAA !!!!
aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhh im sooo bloody angry with meself :@:@
well fuck that wen i got home i made myself sick, just hope my body didnt absorbe all those fattening things :@
cuz i made myself sick about 4 hours later wen i got home
GOOD thing is that i bought myself some clothess (:
BAD thing is that theyre so bloody big, for my disgusting fat body
i look like a bloody sausage in my new shorts :'(
&+ hes cominggggg in 16 DAYS ! :O
goddddd how am i gnna loose all this weight ?
at this moment in life i hate myself.
enough said
someone helpppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :'(

Overall weekend

Well this is my weekend so far :

Ive been bloody eating :@ .... i really couldnt resist myself.
Weetabix in the morning 
& salad for supper [ i so bloody regret that it had salad dressing on it and thats fattening :@ ]

chocolate muffin in the morning [ see how useless i am ? well i made myself sick after that :D (y) ]
i had an apple in the afternoon
& then 2 pears for supper

Sunday [ today ]
ive had half a bottle of water & a glass of apple juice
lets see how the day goes on [ & hope that i dont start craving food agen :@ ]

OMG   hes coming soon, on the 17th !!!! ive only got about 17 days to try & loose some weight, and atm i think i havent lost any ! SHIT
 well , sick time is indeed needed !
Well im supposed to be out shopping with my mates tmro, that'll keep my mind off food for a while, *phew*.
My mates are kinda getting suspicious now, i always used to pig out on food in school & now i dont eat anything.
& they'll be wondering tmro why im not having any lunch :S
i'll just tell em ive got a tummy ache [ always works (y) ]
Mum doesnt have a clue,i try & hide it from her;
but i know shes gnna end up finding out [ hope she doesnt (yn) ]
Well thats all really
if anyone could give me any advice or wants to join fasting
heres my addy:
love you all


Writer's Block: Lost & Found

What have i lost ?
Lots of things,too many things,so many i cant remember.
Everything BUT weight, and im sick of it,i want to be skinny,i want to walk around a corner and see that people look at me because i look nice,not just look and think * what a state *...

What have i found ?

Good friends,a special friend actually,:) we're in this together, and i know we'll achieve this, we will be SKINNY !

no matter what it takes, we'll do it !!!!
& ive found this well good site,and i know that this time i'll do it.


What have you lost that you wish you still had?


todays been better than yesterday.
Yesterday i was feeling horrible cuz of the guy i love,he ses he loves me and im sure its true but i dno,theres this girl around him,shes really pretty and skinny :'(
& i feel useless,im ugly,fat,and no good for nothing.
i really want to be with him, and he sounds like he wants to be with me,and i really hope he does.

I started making myself sick a while ago, i didnt do it every day,i only did it when i had something realy fattening.

But now i feel the urge to loose a lot of weight,im seeing this guy in a couple of weeks and i need to look perfect for him

Im not sure about counting calories,im a bit stupid and i dont know how it goes haha,but if anyone could give me some advice , id be very grateful. The only thing i had to eat today was 1 weetabix. Hope its not too much:(
I need help,i cant do this on my own.:(
Someone please help meee !